


Alone But Together

by Queen of the Castle (queen_of_the_castle_77)



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Drama, F/F, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-31
Updated: 2011-12-31
Packaged: 2017-10-28 13:42:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queen_of_the_castle_77/pseuds/Queen%20of%20the%20Castle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the whole world changes around them, only two people seem to see the new possibilities that unfold.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone But Together

**Author's Note:**

> Set after ‘Chosen’. Written for btvs_santa for impact_velocity in response to requests for ‘alternate ideas of how things proceeded after the series ended’, ‘road trip stories’, and a crossover with Roswell (though that last part is pretty fleeting, and you don’t need to be familiar with the show at all).

The call to freedom thrums insistently, especially through the fly-dirt-speckled walls that are currently housing way too many people for comfort.

Buffy tries not to allow herself to be lured in by that call, but it’s hard when it’s been growing progressively stronger all month. Besides, the only alternative things she can focus on at this stage are the harsh patter of rain against the roof (which miraculously isn’t dripping through onto them all despite how much of a dive this run-down motel is), and the continuous familiar snort-snore-wheeze that signals that Xander is deeply asleep despite being sprawled uncomfortably on what little floor space there is in this tiny room.

Out of the corner of her eye, Buffy sees Dawn, also on the floor, roll over and then over again in her sleep, running right into a cluster of the new Slayers (Buffy’s still getting used to not thinking of them as just Potentials). It looks almost like an unconscious break for freedom that echoes Dawn’s waking complaints that they need to get out of this situation pronto. With crossed arms, a tapping foot and raised eyebrows, Dawn keeps protesting that she’s going to miss the start of the new school year (of all things, as if even the mention of school hasn’t made her play Avoido-Girl for at _least_ the last two years), and that she’ll end up with the dreaded ‘new girl’ label, becoming some mopey loner type, and Buffy doesn’t want that for her, right?

The others, whether or not they agree with Dawn’s particular way of voicing the idea, do seem to all agree that it’s time to find a place to stay on a more permanent basis. Buffy can’t pretend that she hasn’t noticed Giles in particular starting to look at her askance, as if his trust that she has even the first clue what she’s doing is wavering yet _again_. Buffy wonders when the music will stop in _that_ particular game, already.

Buffy really can understand their desire not to just continue the cross-country tour of bad fleabag setups and dodgy fast food joints. She honestly doesn’t want to keep staying in places like this any more than the rest of them. But where they all seem set on heading _towards_ something – some as-yet unnamed place where they think they can just ease back into the same old lives as if nothing ground-breaking has happened in the last few weeks – all Buffy wants right now is to be _away_. The road she wants to see stretching before her now should be endless, not just a means to an end. She doesn’t want to consider just _settling_. She’s done too much of that in her life already. She can’t help but think that it’s time for her to seek out something new.

There are some things she can’t leave behind, of course. She can’t ever get away from being the Slayer, for one thing; even now that there are so many girls who can lay claim to that title, it still feels like Buffy’s _the_ Chosen One, head and shoulders above the rest. There’s no changing that, and whatever she might have thought at times in the past, she wouldn’t ever _want_ to have her strength taken away from her now. However, what she _does_ wish she could get away from, even if only for a little while, are those responsibilities that have nothing to do with being the Slayer.

She doesn’t _want_ to abandon her friends – not really – and she would never consider leaving them behind forever, but practically all she can think about lately is that now feels like the perfect time for her to strike out on her own so that she can learn to just be Buffy, not Buffy-and-her-friends. She learned years ago how to stand alone against the things that go bump in the night (and in the day, for that matter), but with them all right there by her side it’s always been hard to stand on her own in other ways and to make her own decisions without fearing disapproval.

A door creaks open and Faith emerges from the miniscule bathroom off to the side of the room. She flicks her wet hair away from her neck, scrunching her hands in it and grinning as she notices Buffy glaring at the streams of water that roll down her neck and darken Faith’s tank top, as if she can’t even be bothered using a towel like a normal person.

The phrase ‘rebel without a cause’ occurs to Buffy. Buffy herself might have become something of a fish out of water in their group lately, but Faith still takes the grand prize in the flopping on the deck competition. Buffy’s surprised that she hasn’t just split already. It’s not as though Faith isn’t the first to point out how little she has in common with most of them, or that Faith isn’t used to going off on her own. It’s always seemed like Faith hasn’t got any real ties except the ones she decides on a whim that she feels like hanging onto. If Buffy was in her position, she would almost undoubtedly have left the rest of them in the dust within the first two days.

“Getting that feeling again,” Faith announces, throwing herself into the only remaining unoccupied armchair. Her foot dangles haphazardly over the armrest and her arm falls between her sprawled legs. Buffy tries to ignore the provocation that she senses is underlying that posture.

“And the award for random announcements goes to...” Buffy says.

“C’mon, you know exactly what I’m saying,” Faith continues. “That feeling where your skin is crawling because you need to get out there and start running without knowing or caring where you’ll stop. You can’t tell me you don’t feel it too.”

It hits close to home for Buffy, and she can’t help but wonder why it’s _Faith_ of all people who really _gets_ it. Not that Buffy’s planning on admitting that to her any time soon, of course.

“Hey, I’m thinking if you’ve got somewhere better to be, it’s all of the good. None of us are planning to whip out the chains on the wall to keep you here,” Buffy remarks.

Faith smirks. “Damn pity, that. But I wasn’t talking about just _me_ , B. We should grab a car and hit the road. The First might be dust in the wind, but there’re still vamps and demons all over the place, you get me? I say no point in having all the Slayers, newbies or otherwise, bunched up in the back of beyond in someplace that’s a step down the ladder from skeevy. Time to go our own way.”

Buffy darts a glance around the room at the others, but they’re all so wiped out that their sleep seems undisturbed. She still lowers her voice just in case. “Yeah, well, that’s all good for you, isn’t it, but it’s _so_ not happening for me.”

“Why not?” Faith asks flippantly. Buffy can tell she really doesn’t know the answer. Buffy can’t really blame her for that, since she’s not really sure _she_ completely understands it either. Faith continues, “Li’l sis is all grown up with more than enough people willing to play house with her already, and the rest of them have their own lives to be getting on with. Isn’t that what they keep telling you? Time to settle down, because they don’t want to spend their lives trucking around without a purpose. But we’ve still _got_ a purpose, B, wherever we go. We’ll never stop being the Chosen Two, no matter how many other baby Slayers pop up around the world. All they mean is that the weight of the world’s feeling a little less heavy of late, is all. And I think I’m right in saying you wish you could take advantage of that about as much as I do, right?”

“Maybe in some alternate bizzaro world I could agree that you’re not completely light on the sense-making. _Maybe_. But in this one it’s pretty much on the impossible side,” says Buffy. “We’d have to pull off a quick bank heist and maybe play a bit of live action Grand Theft Auto just to get out of here. And you know, I don’t think a brand spanking new crime spree is really part of your twelve steps in this whole ‘reformed’ thing you’ve been saying you’re into these days.”

“Oh, I’m all about staying on the side of sunshine and puppy dogs these days, don’t get me wrong,” Faith agrees. “Much as I can, anyway. But we don’t need to actually _steal_ anything here. There’s a guy a few towns over from here who owes me a whole bag full of favours. We can drive the Mystery Machine over there, or if you’ve got a problem taking the stupid school bus from these guys we could just hitch. Ain’t no weirdo out there that we couldn’t take in a fight, easy, if someone of the creepier than usual variety tried giving us a lift.”

“What about money?” Buffy asks. “We’re staying in a single room in places where even the cockroaches wouldn’t throw a party for a reason. Not exactly doing the dance of the independently wealthy, here, in case you haven’t noticed.”

Faith shrugs, not seeming worried in the slightest. “You only think that because you weren’t the one who eyeballed the mad stash that Giles has stored for a rainy day or twenty. Well it’s raining right now, isn’t it? And since a big chunk of his spare change comes direct from the Watcher’s Council, isn’t it about time we got a piece of that?”

Buffy finds herself seriously considering that. She has no idea whether it’s because Faith is actually making a valid argument, or whether Buffy is just hearing what she wants to hear because she’s already so tempted by the idea of it. She tries to shrug it off, but the knowledge that even a little bit of money is bound to go much further if it’s only the two of them using it up lingers in the back of her mind regardless of how she tries to push it away.

Her rebellious brain continues coming up with reasons why it’s _not_ totally insane, even as Faith-endorsed plans go. It’s not as though it’d be forever or anything. She needs to just _be_ for a while, and the open air seems so appetising. Why shouldn’t she take the scenic route now that she finally has the chance – and the freedom (just that word makes her shiver in the best possible way) – to do so?

Faith keeps staring at her, daring her. Even if for no other reason than that, Buffy is dying to rise to the challenge.

In a very real way, Faith is pretty much exactly what Buffy needs right now. She’ll push Buffy through her every hesitation because that’s just what Faith _does_. And if there’s anyone who knows how to disappear and give someone space, it’s got to be Faith. So while Buffy’s never once considered going off alone with Faith anywhere until now, there’s something beyond appealing about the idea.

Buffy has no idea if it’s the right decision. She only knows that she _is_ making it.

Faith must read something of what she’s thinking in her expression, because she suddenly springs effortlessly to her feet, skips around the spot where Dawn is now, having found a way to roll even further across the floor. Faith grabs the few possessions that she’s picked up since leaving Sunnydale; blood-stained clothing could only get them so far, after all, and a lack of toiletries would have caused a riot with so many girls packed in together. She silently indicates that Buffy should hurry up and do that same.

Buffy climbs to her feet and exhales sharply, nodding to herself, as she makes those final few steps to join Faith.

A quick note scrawled with a dying pen goes some small distance to explaining what she’s doing, but Buffy knows she’ll be receiving a phone call just as soon as her friends all wake up and find that tiny square of paper (and especially as soon as Giles discovers that he’s missing the stack of cash that Faith is currently fishing out of his bag). For now, though, there are still hours to go before that’s likely to happen. Buffy’s determined to enjoy the reprieve.

The door falls shut behind the two of them just loudly enough to be satisfying without waking up the people they’re leaving behind. Buffy looks back for a moment, but then she steps away and follows Faith down the stairs.

* * *

They arrive in some town that Buffy’s not entirely convinced has an actual name; she can’t imagine who would even bother coming up with one for a hole in the ground like this place. Buffy’s more than ready to leave before her feet even hit the dusty ground at all, but they’re here for a reason.

It turns out that the only car Faith’s ‘friend’ Jim apparently has to spare is some old thing that’s very nearly a literal rust bucket with pealing black paint. It looks, Buffy recalls with a jolt of dismay, almost uncannily like an even more run-down version of the heap that Spike used to drive.

Leaning against that car as Faith openly flirts with Jim just a few feet in front of her, it occurs to Buffy that this plan of Faith’s is probably exactly the sort of thing that she and Spike might have ended up doing if Spike hadn’t... if Spike were here right now. He would have half-jokingly offered to go get them some dosh and some wheels so that they could hit the road and just leave it all behind. He’d said similar things often enough over the past two years that Buffy can pretty much _hear_ him murmuring the words in her ear. And much as she’d done with Faith’s offer, Buffy knows that this time, finally, she would have let herself dwell on it for just long enough that the words ‘why not?’ would have stopped feeling unjustifiably reckless and started feeling more like the answer to a much bigger question. Off on their own, and without anyone else around to whom she would feel accountable, Buffy doesn’t doubt that things between her and Spike would have been so much less complicated. It’s yet another opportunity missed. She’s had about enough of those.

She looks at Faith, though, and realises that she doesn’t mind being on this strange journey with _her_ instead, even (and perhaps especially) if it turns out that Faith’s nature means that Buffy will ultimately have to look out for herself alone more often than not, just as she’s having to do now while Faith goes off to do... _whatever_ with Jim. At this stage, she’s kind of all right with that. Buffy’s knees aren’t buckling under the weight pressing down on her anymore, and she has no intention of putting herself in that position again anytime soon. As long as they can be just two girls crossing the country and taking advantage of finally being able to do what they want, she believes that Faith’s odd and kind of sporadic brand of companionship will be enough for her.

Or it will be, Buffy thinks, just as soon as Faith actually makes an appearance again so that they can hell the hell out of here.

* * *

Buffy’s fiddling with the car radio, trying to find any decent station broadcasting around the town they’re currently driving through, when Faith nearly drives the car straight into a vampire.

“Woah,” Faith exclaims, punching the brakes and swerving off to the right. “The fuck? Did you see that? Damn bloodsucker just jumped right out at me. Think he’s looking for some helpless co-eds who’ll freak out that they hit him and stop to check he’s all right so he can pounce on them.”

“Well _I_ think he’s got another thing coming,” Buffy says.

“Took the words right out of my mouth,” says Faith, jumping out the car door. “Let’s put his ass down.”

It’s been a long time since it’s been just the two of them fighting on the same side together, alone, but even throughout everything it turns out that they haven’t lost their ability to work together in nearly perfect synchronicity. It’s far too easy for the pair of them to take out one measly vamp, but it’s enough to whet Buffy’s appetite. She can’t wait for more... for some kind of proper release.

Unfortunately (for them, if not for the people who live here), it seems that not all small towns are quite as demon-happy as Sunnydale was, and there don’t appear to be any more vamps for them to spend their excess adrenaline on. Buffy can see that Faith seems to be physically vibrating with energy. It’s just as well, then, that Sunnydale’s not the only small town where they can find fast-paced music and a dance floor.

Buffy loses herself in the music, earning a wink from Faith as the other girl dances taunting rings around the men who are congregating around the two of them. In this moment, Buffy feels like she’s seventeen years old and free of life’s expectations in a way that she’d never been allowed to experience when she actually _was_ seventeen. With incentives like this, it’s no wonder that she’d been eager to get away from the constrictions that had been on her before.

Faith finally pushes the guys around them firmly aside and reaches for Buffy’s hand, entwining their fingers above both their heads. They gyrate in time on the dance floor, never quite touching beyond the pressure of their hands, but always just as completely aware of the others’ movements as if they were actually pressed together, skin to skin.

Buffy still remembers the last time they danced this way. It was one of the last moments before everything had gone to hell between them and around them. They’ve both had their respective tastes of being completely out of control, and they’ve discovered that it doesn’t lead anywhere good.

She meets Faith’s eyes, only inches from her own now, and Buffy’s not sure that what Faith’s eyes are saying will lead anywhere good either, strictly speaking.

Buffy doesn’t have time to fully realise what’s happening before Faith in right up in her space and her lips are attacking Buffy’s throat in a way that would remind her of a vampire feeding if it wasn’t for the soft swipes of Faith’s tongue soothing the ache left by her teeth.

Faith’s lips trace their way up Buffy’s jaw and find her own. The feeling is probing and demanding and so remarkably similar to Spike’s kisses (apart from the missing taste of cigarettes, of course) that Buffy forgets herself for a moment.

Even over the music, Buffy can distantly hear a bunch of drunken guys nearby start cheering at the display the two of them are making. It’s enough to kick Buffy’s brain back into gear, and she shoves Faith away from her, mustering up one of her best glares.

They silently regard each other, each unconsciously slowly circling the other like prey. The crowd around them watches in anticipation, clearly uncertain whether they’re about to witness a wild cat fight or a more intense repeat of two girls making out. They don’t get either, for Buffy takes a step back, turning on her heel and pacing purposefully out of the bar.

She can’t believe that Faith just did that. It’s not being kissed by a girl or even by Faith in particular that has Buffy annoyed and off-balance. It’s that she and Faith have been getting along remarkably well over the last week or so since taking off together, and she’s seriously pissed that Faith would jeopardise that now by needlessly making it all into a game like this.

It takes Faith several minutes to follow her outside; she’s probably having some of those drooling idiots buy her a celebratory drink or something, Buffy thinks bitterly. When she does emerge from the bar, looking as though nothing is at all wrong, Buffy can’t help but launch into a tirade.

“What was up with _that_? I thought we’d agreed to stop messing with each other.”

“Who’s messing?” Faith replies with a shrug. “I’ve always been equal opportunities.”

“Then I think you’ve pretty much got the wrong Scooby,” Buffy says. “That whole bit with the girl-on-girl is really more Willow’s thing.”

“Don’t knock it ’til you try it, B. And besides, I’m not exactly talking exchanging rings here. I’m just looking to let off some steam, and I figured you would be as well. Obviously I forgot how much of a priss you are.”

Buffy’s hackles rise even further, but she manages to hold onto her temper. Faith’s just... Faith, and Buffy knew what she was getting herself into when she agreed to this. It’s best to just ignore her; she won’t go away, since they’re stuck with each other, but she _will_ probably completely forget that she ever hit on Buffy in the first place. She’ll be onto the next target in no time.

Buffy has no idea why that thought annoys her so much. It’s probably because she’s sick of putting up with Faith acting like a hoebag.

She rolls her eyes and walks towards where the car is parked. “Let’s just get out of here,” she mutters. She’s not quite game to suggest they get a hotel room for the night just now, as she doesn’t want to offer Faith any encouragement, but she doesn’t want to stay here either.

Faith shrugs and jumps into the driver’s seat.

They’re silent for the entire next leg of their journey. Buffy wonders whether Faith even notices that something is wrong.

She’s unspeakably glad when they find a demon to hack up together, if only because it makes the awkwardness die away.

Even though she’d chosen to come on this crazy journey to find a way to be alone, she can’t deny that it feels wrong to keep so wholly to herself when Faith is right there beside her.

* * *

Buffy and Faith fling themselves around the corner of a building into an alley, panting, and they sprint towards where Buffy thinks the car should be waiting for them. She hopes she’s not remembering wrongly where they’d parked it, because it’s clear they have to get out of this town, and probably out of New Mexico entirely, right _now_.

Normally Faith would probably be laughing about having the cops on their heels, especially the type of useless ones that would be patrolling a town that wouldn’t even be on the map if it weren’t for all those UFO and conspiracy nuts. They are, after all, both more than capable of slipping free, or even whooping their pursuers’ asses if the need truly arises; they’ve done it before. But not this time. It isn’t really the police that have them freaked out and running right now. It’s what nearly just happened.

She can still practically feel the strain of Faith’s wrist beneath her hand as Buffy caught Faith’s swinging arm just a moment before its sickening impact. It had been a far too familiar scene between them. But last time, of course, Buffy _hadn’t_ managed to stop Faith in time. Last time a man had died. This time the three teenagers – who’d startled them in the middle of hunting down a demon with their magic or whatever the hell they’d been doing to create that ethereal light from seemingly out of nowhere – are still alive. They may have been warlocks and a witch, but they’d seemed completely human and more or less harmless. Innocent, in other words. Faith had nearly killed another innocent person. Buffy can’t quite rid herself of the sight of their shocked faces as an axe halted just an inch from the neck of a boy who looked disturbingly like someone Buffy had already had to kill once (which just makes the whole thing seem more disquieting). That same axe then fell from Faith’s suddenly slack fingers, clattering loudly against the bitumen and attracting the attention of what appeared to be the sheriff of the town.

They’ve outrun him fairly easily on foot, of course, but Buffy can hear the echoing down the streets as he and whatever other people he’s roped into helping him search for what they believe to be two attempted murderers. It’s a relief, then, when she catches sight of the car, its black paint barely visible in the very last vestiges of the evening light.

Though Faith usually drives because Buffy has never managed to learn to be particularly vehicle friendly, Buffy doesn’t hesitate to steer Faith towards the passenger side door and then circle around to climb into the driver’s seat. Faith is trying not to show it, but she’s shaking violently.

Buffy had once doubted the veracity of Faith’s desire to rehabilitate herself, but she knows now that she’s been inexorably proven wrong. There was a time when Faith wouldn’t have been particularly bothered by coming so close to killing a human being. She probably would have wondered why she hadn’t just done it and to hell with it. It’s comforting (for Buffy’s part, at least) to see that that’s _clearly_ no longer the case.

A good twenty minutes out of town, Buffy finally pulls over to the side of the road and shuts the engine off. She darts a glance at Faith, not wanting to let the other girl know that she’s worried about her.

The first words out of Faith’s mouth since they’d started running finally come. “They were just kids,” she says, her tone somewhat disbelieving.

“And they’re still part of the walking and talking and oxygen-having population,” Buffy reassures her. “You didn’t hurt them.”

“I would have,” says Faith, “if you hadn’t been there to stop it from going down that way.”

Normally this would be a moment where Buffy would suggest that they go and find something to kill, since that’s what tends to work best in letting Faith expunge her frustrations and emotions. Right now, though, killing is obviously not something she wants to bring up just yet, and she’s not sure what else she should do to try to make this in some way better.

The awkwardness of wondering whether she should try to hug Faith or something is palpable. They’ve never really been particularly touchy-feely around each other, but Buffy thinks this might possibly be an exception. She can’t really be sure how Faith will react, though. Faith can be volatile even in her best moments, and this is definitely not one of those.

The decision is taken out of her hands, though, when Faith acts first. She doesn’t settle merely for a comforting hug, either.

Buffy doesn’t shove Faith away like she did the last time they kissed. That option strangely doesn’t even occur to her. This, unlike then, feels _genuine_ , and because of that Buffy finds herself not only not really minding, but actually following Faith to maintain contact when her lips retreat slightly.

They press their bodies closer in the gap between the car seats, leaning against each other, and Faith’s hand runs up Buffy’s thigh. Buffy gasps into the kiss and lets it happen for a moment before ultimately bringing her own hand up to grab Faith’s, stopping its progress. They’ve taken a huge enough step tonight without letting things get any further out of hand.

They remain frozen like that for several seconds before Faith almost casually leans back over to her side of the car, seeming far more composed than she had been a minute ago.

Buffy waits for Faith to brush it off by making some kind of joke or innuendo about it, but that moment never comes. They just stare at each other,

Buffy seriously has no idea where this leaves them, except that today has made one thing clear.

The thing she needs to learn most is not, after all, to be able to stand alone, but to allow herself to have someone who is her equal by her side, mutually sharing support instead of Buffy feeling like she has to carry them. She believes she very nearly had that with Spike for a short time before that potential was snatched away.

She looks at Faith and is determined that whatever else happens between them, she won’t let that closeness slip through her fingers this time.

~FIN~


End file.
